The Great Escape

What a glorious spring day...a perfect day for running away apparently. Our gianormous dog Chewie decided to make a break for it. One minute he is rolling around on the ground in doggie heaven and the next moment I look up from doing laundry to see a yellow streak blow past my sliding glass door. He managed to wiggle free of his collar. This unleashed a slight excitement in me as no collar means no way that anyone can identify him as mine! My mind shouted "Run Chewie Run! Really run for you life because if I have to chase after you one more time...." This excitement was short lived as every child in the neighborhood came running after him and to get me. I was sooo close! It didn't really matter anyway he wont run far just enough to torment me.

So I told Ethan to sit with Lily while I chased after the dog and drowned him out back dragged him home. It was funny to watch all the wonderful well doers who tried to call him (as if I hadn't already tried) of course in hindsight maybe threatening him with the pound didn't help. I explained to all these nice people there was no way that he was going to get near them when he smelled the sweet taste of freedom and of course the chance to drive me insane. It took four of us but we did finally manage to catch him. With the added benefit that now perfect strangers know the beast dog is mine...no chance of him getting away now!

Then I get back to the house to find the back door open and Lily outside in her shoes with no brother, plus two new flies...GRRRR!! Ethan comes running out saying "Lily where are you?!" I cut him some slack since he is only six and I had just lost the dog (plus I was only like five feet away from her the whole time). But it goes to show you, you can't trust dogs or kids for that matter. But at least once can't talk and let everyone who to file the lawsuits against!

I think I am a Princess therefore I am

We are in a new stage of development. One that all the so called experts left out of their parenting books. Its called the all about me stage. Conveniently placed inside the terrible twos. This stage only has one star and this week its Lily.

It involves everyone stopping what they are doing to cater to her princess needs. Like today when she wanted a drink and I was on the phone. There is no waiting in the all about me stage. Waiting are for common folks not princesses. So if her message is not received with words she resorts to violence (I mean really what is a monarchy but a glorified dictatorship anyway). So it involves a evil stare and then a good smack in the face (well its bound to get your attention). Then it quickly becomes if you don't treat your subjects well then you have a fully mutiny on your hands so she quickly changes from rage filled distorted face to sweet smiling angelic face (brat) and since mommy subjects have a bad short term memory (especially when distracted) it so happens that juice gets filled into the cup. *Sigh* Let this be a warning to you all...take something to help your memory or else you will flock back to the princess with open arms!

Teaching Appreciation

This day in age it is becoming increasingly hard to teach your children appreciation for the things that they have. I mean everyday they are blasted with commercials that teach them to want more, more, more. So what can we do to stop this desire to want more?

I know they have a t.v. show that sends teenagers to shock them into appreciation, but what about preventative measures so that our kids (mainly MY kids, yours are probably well behaved, appreciative wonderful children) don't turn into those bratty teenagers that you just want to slap upside the head (only second to the 2 by 4 that I want to whack the teenagers who want a baby so someone can love them)? I am all for a boot camp that sends our kids to third world countries where they have to work to find food and fresh water and there are no t.v.s, toys and beds. Yep I would totally pay for that summer camp!

Somewhere between heaven and childbirth my children lost their child rearing manual (leave it to my kids to lose something so important). I remember being pregnant for the first time and talking about all the wonderful things I was going to teach my child. How he was going to grow up being thoughtful and respectful and trustworthy (wow I wonder what hallucinogens I was taking). Somewhere I lost that perspective or maybe I gained a more realistic perspective. Well I am fighting again modernization now so how can I fix the damage of the modern world (short of becoming Amish)? I think its time to start searching for that manual....

Medieval Torture in the 21st Century

So the other day I had my six month check-up at the dentist and after a few torturous minutes in my mouth I started thinking (really what else is there to do if you can't talk). First of all the tools that they use had to come straight from the Medieval Inquisition (if you need to brush up on history then click here). I feel like at any moment the dental hygienist is going to start questioning me about my religious preferences.

"WHO IS YOUR CHURCH!"

*Scrapping at plaque with her torture device*

"I SAID " WHO IS YOUR CHURCH!"

Yikes! I swear she sees me gripping the seat with all my might and then digs harder at my gums. Its like that game mercy. You know where you slap at the other persons hands until they scream "MERCY!" Just like that except with my gums. Well I rock at mercy so I wasn't screaming. I'd like to say the joke is on her, but its really not because I left with sore gums and she leaves with a paycheck. Then like any other masochist I scheduled my next dental appointment in six months and left the office with goodies in hand. Six months is coming too soon....

Selective Amnesia

Mother nature always has a way of balance. See in nature we must procreate to ensure the continuation of our species ( HEY wake up this isn't a science lesson I promise!). In human mothers this urge to continue having children is called selective amnesia. You look back and in your head there is this perfect movie reel of all the most wonderful moments in your child's life, you know frolicking through the park and the cute little comments and you think "okay I am ready for another." STOP! Think how long was your movie moment a couple of minutes...yeah now try and summon the real video of what really went on. The talking back, the temper tantrums in the middle of the store, the food throwing, the screaming matches....see how much longer that sentence was. I bet you can't even pull up all the bad moments. Now an optimist will tell that is because the good moments outweigh the last...well I have some bad news the optimist found some really good drugs that you are not privy to!

Right now my children are in this current stage called "I think I am a teenager so I am trying to drive you crazy!" Ethan and I have fights about everything, I mean it seems that even breathing causes a fight. Let me tell you the older they get the worse they get! Until one day you find yourself being out logiced by them! Oh yeah it will happen and there is nothing you or your college degree can do to stop it.

As you are reading this blog you may ask yourself why I have three kids...I have to again refer back to the selective amnesia thing. Because despite the fact that I spend the better part of my days screaming and arguing with all three of my kids, in a year I guarantee that I will look at sweet baby pictures and start to feel that tug at my heart string again and I will look back through my blogs and think "OH it wasn't that bad I was exaggerating."( As if I would ever do that!). So this blog is sorta of for the future me. IT REALLY WAS THAT BAD! LISTEN! MOTHER NATURE IS TRICKING YOU! But because I doubt that will work (gee I wonder why my kids are so stubborn) if you see in a year or two with four kids instead of three try and remember that I am not immune to mother nature and her sneaky ways.

(Sorry about all my theories/paranoid delusions but my mind not unlike my mouth just wont shut up!)

The terrible twos!

Okay I am remembering that stage that made me question whether or not I was ever going to have anymore children after Matt. Yeah its called the terrible twos. Now as a seasoned mother I already know that three is worse than two but two is still pretty terrible! Thus the name..... I swear that whoever came up with the word No is on my hate list. But since my children are overachievers (stop laughing) Lily has added her own emphasis to no. It goes like this...

Me: "Lily can you please pick up your juice?"
Lily: "Ummm no."
Me: "Lily now! Pick up your juice before it spills!"
Lily: "NoO!
Me: "Lily now!"
Lily: "Ut uh" Shaking her head no.

Flash to a Lilo and Stitch moment where I go to my room and scream into my pillow. What is it about this age that make the word no appealing? It has to be some conspiracy to drive us crazy. I mean every child goes through it (and if yours didn't please feel free to not comment, aren't just good at lying to yourself). I have this theory that kid are fun up until two and then after that its kind of downhill until adulthood. I hope that I am wrong. I really do. I just have not seen proof of this yet.

Oh see I had to stop writing to have yet another argument with Lily!
Lily: "I want a drink"
Me: "You have one where is it?"
Lily: "I don't know"
Me: "Look for it."
Lily: "No"

See the teenage defiance! Who teaches them this?! I bet it's Dora. They only say that its teaching them Spanish...its code for how to defy your parents. I mean think about it. Her parents are never around and she is always doing things that a three year old shouldn't be doing alone....and don't even get me started on Swiper.... I hold him personally responsible for my 5 year old's sticky hands!

I am sounding paranoid again.... But I still think the kids are out to get me and no one will convince me otherwise!

Review- The Nook

I bought my nook about two months ago and thought I would give this review thing a shot.

So this is what Barnes and Noble tells you about the nook (something you could totally look up yourself, but I will include for you reading enjoyment):
Tech Specs

Height:	7.7 inches
Width:	4.9 inches
Depth:	0.5 inches
Weight:	12.1 ounces

1. It has a 3G and Wi-Fi network that downloads books in seconds.
2. 2gb of memory to store up to 1,500 hundred books, magazines and newspapers. Also has an expandable memory.
3. Color touchscreen/keypad search
4. Sample free books before reading
5. With the lend-me feature you can share books with your friends
6. Use the reading now button to bookmark where you left off.
7. Rechargeable battery that you can change yourself.
8. E-Ink that looks like paper
9.Change font to make larger
10. Play mp3-Including audiobooks

Get all this for the low price of $259!

What I have to say about the nook:
1. I am not so sure about the ability to download books in seconds as it claims but it does download them fast enough for me. But that is using Wi-Fi. If I use the fastest 3G network provided by AT&T I can go to the kitchen and fry me up some chicken and come back and have my book ready! I think someone should check into AT&T's claims...seems a bit fishy to me!

2. As for the memory I can't tell you much more than what it already claims I only have a dozen or more books on there and I think I am using like 2% of the memory. But I will say that I plan on expanding the memory with a HC memory card. I think that I probably wont even fill the memory before my kids manage to break it. On another note I would like to say that there is a limited amount of magazines and newspapers that are actually available for viewing....I would say slightly misleading.

3. The touch screen pad is actually what sold me on this over the Kindle. I love it....love it! It so easy to search. My only slight complaint is that is can be a tad sensitive.

4. I love the sample reading option. Not all books have this, but quite a few do. There have been a couple of books that I chose not to get and some that I wouldn't have thought I would like. It does save money and research time which I appreciate.

5. Yeah haven't used the lend me option yet because no one else that I know has it. That is a downside. Several friends of mine have the Kindle, but that doesn't help any of us. Hopefully with time and if it gains popularity I will be able to use this.

6. The reading now button is awesome, although not if you are sharing an e-book reader ( I told my husband to get his own and leave mine alone). However what the website doesn't tell you is that all you have to do is click on the book in your library and it takes you back to where you left off too. Bonus!

7. Again I have yet to have to change my battery out, but I do know that this will come in handy when the battery does finally die as it will probably do so when I can't afford to send it off to be changed. I know that Barnes and Noble says that it last 10 days without charging. But it kind of depends on how much you are reading and if you leave the wireless on. That does tend to drain the battery quicker.

8. The Ink look is awesome. I can read it in the sun like a book and there is no problem. It doesn't hurt my eyes, actually reading with the nook doesn't give me headaches like with a regular book. I think its because I can change the font to a larger size or smaller. I really like that option for my aging eyes : )

All and all I love my nook! With the easy click of a button I can change pages and that has for sure shaved minutes off my reading time : ) and I love the ability that when I drop it I don't lose my page...of course since I have children I purchased the warranty that it came with for another $69.95 which covers accidents and the clerk also told me my battery if it goes out within the two year warranty period. It was safe to say that with it nothing will go wrong, but if I had just bought it then my kids would have found it and spilled something on it within the first day. Worth the peace of mind.

If you would like to read about the nook and all of its options and comparisons then here is the link for you http://www.barnesandnoble.com/nook/

I urge you to look and then run to your local Barnes and Noble store to buy it so that one day your grandchildren can find it in a box and wonder what on earth it is and then laugh about our primitive technology and sell it at a local antique store. Think someday your nook could brace the shelf where people will pass by and wonder what kind of person read these books on this machine....